help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
