How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
