my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
