I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize