So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
