she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
