i don't like sucking hair
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
