Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
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