YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
