You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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