She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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