Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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