So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
