my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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