threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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