she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize