Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
