Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
