we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
