I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
