sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
