You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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