After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
