Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
sex in a hospital.. check
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
