It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
