i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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