So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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