"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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