I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
it's like heaven, but drunker
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
