it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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