you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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