can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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