i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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