what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
