it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
