I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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