if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
