There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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