Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
