The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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