im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
