the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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