Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
