So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
