Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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