That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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