im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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