I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.