Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
