We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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