I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
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My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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