bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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