strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
