Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
