just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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