Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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