i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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