I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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