I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
