end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
