Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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