i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
