You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
