Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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