Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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