I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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