If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
