Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
