broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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