I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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