Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
